hockey.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
so i'm went to aj hockey today.
stupid flor didnt come!
and i am was sooo tired.
really rusty at first..
but finally i can hit already..
sure hope wed will be better.
wanna go out for run tmr..but i'd probly be too tired.
it all depends i guess..
and tmr gonna go jln raya with my frens..
yay!
yay!
:P
--insignificant lies--
3:24 am
im not in the mood.
Monday, November 29, 2004
i dun need a shrink.
im sick and tired about ppl
commenting about me being bi
and all that stuff.
does it really matter to you?
no right?
so don't bother ok.
that topic is not up for discussion.
and not up for comments.
i am who i am.
take it or leave it.
if not..
i don't need you in my life
and i don't need your lame comments.
--insignificant lies--
1:05 am
bored
Saturday, November 27, 2004
stoned.
exams over though.
so hurrah!
--insignificant lies--
3:07 am
to: anti you.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
it hurts me that you say i am rubbish.
but then again..
heck.. you are right.
i dont make a helluva sense.
but i don't care.
because this senseless..
nonsensical..
rubbish..
slut..
bisexual freak...
loves god still...
i still love god even if i do things
god doesn't want me to do.
he is my god.
and what i share with his is what i share with him.
i don't stop loving my mother just because
sometimes i do things she doesnt like.
i don't just give up just like that.
i try to be better i try to improve
and my mother tries to understand and be forgiving.
and my only hope is that by me loving allah
he will forgive me too..
because he is forgiving and he is generous with his love..
i won't stop loving allah..
despite who i am.
despite not making sense.
i am still hurt by what you say..
because no one has really wanted to say it to my face..
but i know you are right anti you..
but at this point in my life
all i can do is leave it to allah..
and pray that he will show me the way..
i hope you will understand..
love,
me-rubbish.
--insignificant lies--
3:57 am
shoo.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
i am not in the mood for anything.
a sudden bout of depression.
so no blogging for awhile.
goodnite.
i need nia.
and a nice pen.
xoxoxoxoxo
shit.fuck.off.
--insignificant lies--
1:45 am
more interesting questionnaire.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
>My Top 5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1) knowing that the A levels are almost oveR!!!
2) babes
3) 3 more papers left to the end!
4) bike licence soon.
5) bike!
> 15 years ago i :
:: was 3 years old
:: was cute n small
:: had nice hair
:: was still an only child
:: was in love with myself.
> 10 years ago I:
:: was 8.
:: started watching friends though i wasnt supposed to.
:: started watching er though i wasnt supposed to.
:: moved to yew tee.
:: rushed home to watch barney.
>5 Years Ago, I:
:: was 13.
:: had just entered crescent.
:: was still a minah.
:: was in a gang and had long hair.
:: hanged around with liana adinah and eme 24/7.
> 3-4 Years Ago, I:
:: was in sec 2
:: was 19th positn out of the whole sec2 cohort
:: went to sec 3C2/4C2(best class ever!!)
:: got close and fell in love with this woman
:: discovered i was bisexual
> 2 Years Ago, I:
:: was still in love with a woman.
:: was still slim.
:: was becoming more lesbian by the minute
:: had the best prom ever
:: got my heart broken by that woman
> 1 Year Ago, I:
:: went to ajc
:: tot i'd become straight but..
:: got over WOMAN or so i thought.
:: crushed on more girls than guys
:: and fell in love with crescent hockey club.
> This Year, I:
:: am the captn of the hockey team.
:: won nothing in hockey tournament
:: formed the gang and slacker's club
:: fell in love with the most wonderful person in the world!!!!
:: found someone who loves me back as much as i love them! :)
> Yesterday, I:
:: slept a lot
:: went to eat at swensens
:: took cute photos on farha's hp
:: took chem exam
:: and wore eyeliner to causeway point..haha
> Today, I:
:: woke up late
:: didn't study
:: watched a lot of tv
:: took away my maths notes
:: ate crap.
> Tomorrow, I will:
:: wake up early..hahaha
:: eat crap
:: do chem mcq
:: go home
:: study for bio p3
> 5 Games/sports I Like:
:: hockey
:: watching tv
:: bball
:: miniature golf on candystand.com
:: rough sex! hahahaha..
> 5 Things I'd Buy With $1000:
:: CDs
:: VCDs
:: bOOKs
:: eye makeup
:: rock tops.
> 3 Bad Habits I Have
:: sucking on my nails
:: touching my breasts
:: not combing my hair
> 5 TV Shows I Like:
:: frasier
:: will&grace(jack&karen)
:: friends
:: the L word
:: coupling
> 5 Places I've Lived:
:: stirling road
:: queen's crescent
:: bukit batok
:: yew tee
:: woodlands
> My Top 3 Biggest Worries at the Moment:
:: A's!
:: money!
:: hari raya!
> 5 Favorite Movies:
:: sense and sensibility
:: Lethal Weapon Series
:: The hours
:: Thomas Crown Affair
:: I prefer tv shows..so i cant think of anymore!
> 5 Things You Spend Most Money On:
:: food
:: movies
:: vcds
:: clothes
:: books
> 5 Favorite Words/Phrases
:: bacin
:: whatever
:: cibai
:: hahahaha
:: muacks..hehehehhe
> 5 Favorite Things
:: babes
:: my gallaz shoessss
:: my vcd collection
:: my online piracy collection
:: eyebrow plucking :D
> 5 Books I Like:
:: sense and sensibility
:: sister of my heart
:: the namesake
:: the unknown errors of our lives
:: pride and prejudice
> 5 Foods I Dislike/Hate:
:: bittergourd
:: jelly
:: chewing gum(bubblegum ok)
:: all fruits except pears apples oranges grapes guava honeydew and watermelon and canned peaches
:: especially hate dragon fruit!!! YUCKS!
> 5 Favorite Kids' Names
:: sufiya natasha
:: indra sufi
:: indra shahdan
:: maya marliana
:: misha!!!!
> 5 things you thought was cool at 5th grade.
:: basketball
:: myself
:: myself
:: myself
:: myself
> 5 hottest hotties (male celebs only)
:: usher
:: shah rukh khan
:: can i put girls names instead?
:: im so gay
:: i like girls and i cannot lie!
> 5 things u treasure/idolise alot in ur life:
:: babes
:: best friends
:: kate moening
:: alex parks
:: alex kingston
--insignificant lies--
10:55 pm
questionnaire
1. Your name spelled backwards..
- haraf
2. Where were your parents born.
- singapore
3. What is the last thing you downloaded
- whose line is it anyway?
4. What is your favorite restaurant?
- my mom's kitchen
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
- question mark ah?
6.Have you ever been in a school play?
- yesh i have... DUH!
7. How many kids do you want?
- 2 is my maximum..
though after watching cheaper by the dozen..
hmm..12 dun seem too bad...
8. Type of music you DISLIKE most?
- TECHNO!! the dancing is stupiD!
9. Are you registered to vote?
- umm...NO!
10. Do you have a car?
- DREAM CAR!
11. Do you like rollercoasters?
- Depends how SCARY!
12. Ever prank call any1 b4?
- hahaha...yesh!
13. Chattin with...?
- su and farha
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky
diving?
- sky diving!!
15. Are you shy?
- to people i don't know.
16. Do you think you're popular?
- i'd like to be.
17. What's the size of your bed?
- super single i think.
18. Do you really know all the words to your
national anthem?
- yesh i know.
19. Bath or Shower?
- both?
20. Best movie
you've seen in the past 4 months?
- connie n carla which goes to show i havent been watching.
21. What's the next movie you want to see?
- bridget jone's diary:edge of reason
22. Chips or popcorn?
- chips
23. Have you ever broken any1s
heart?
- every guy i've been with.
i dun break girl's hearts..hehehe..
24. status?
- monogamous for the first time.haha!
25. Are you a good cook?
- i am. cept i dun like to cook.
26. Orange or Apple
juice?
- orange. i prefer citric acid.
27. Who you last went out to
dinner with and where did you go to?
- farha. we went to eat swensens!
thanks farha!
28. fave drink?
- f&n grape or else lattes(cold or hot)
29. Best thing in the world?
- Online Piracy. Cos it allows me to watch
gay n lesbian shows!
30. Have you ever broken
a bone?
- no...dislocate got la...
31. Have you ever won a trophY?
- YESH!!! AND I DISPLAY THEM PROUDLY!
32. What is your favorite board game?
- hmm..clue or else..scrabble..or hotels.
33. someone in mind?
- huh?
34. Do you have a bf/gf?
- i have many many many gfs and bfs..hehe..
but my heart belongs to one person..awww...
35. Do you still love your ex?
- No...
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to
work?
- not until i become a porn star!
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
- hmm...??? medicine?
38. Who are you going to marry?
- the person i love and who loves me more.
39. Who would you like to meet?
- someone who can show me the light.
40. Do you believe in love
at first sight?
- yesh i do. but it hasn't happened to me.
crush at first sight got ah...
41. Whats your favorite songs right now?
- destiny's child "lose my breath", ciara "goodies"
and mario "let me love you" and misha omar's first album
songs.
42.Where would you go for a romantic
evening?
- anywhere with water.
43. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
- too many!
44. Last song stuck in your head?
- destiny's child "lose my breath"
tt verse where michelle sings.
45. Any pets?
- i want a cat.
46. Worst Local TV show as of the moment?
- none. i love second singapore short story project
cause got tan kheng hua doing a cute 19 year old guy.
47. What is one thing you would like to learn to
do?
- play the piano. but kinda too late la.
48. What do you do when you are
bored?
- Write(on anything i can get my hands on)
or
Read(anything i can get my hands on)
50. How would you want someone to appreciate
you?
- make love to me! hahahahha...
51. What is the one thing that you are grateful
for today?
- my sanity :)
--insignificant lies--
10:25 pm
the elusive first kiss
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
i watched the 2nd spore short story proj just now.
got me thinking.
life is really complex.
and there are so many things going on..
that we know nothing about.
that man sitting beside you could be a pervert
that woman in front of you
could be sleeping with your father.
and the smaller the world gets
the smaller it caves in on you-
the reality that everything happens around you
besides your life.
i wonder how so many things can occur all at one time.
allah wills it to happen.
and it happens.
so fast.
the intricacies of our lives
webbed together.
and maybe soon all of us will meet on the same page.
on the same line.
on the same word.
to those who are already part of my life...
our spiderwebs have entangled
and to those who are closest to my heart
i guess our spiderwebs are the same
with a little side branching.
im always talking about such things
as if they are so great
but i always see all these things in a different light
from the world.
so i guess if you don't see what the big deal is...
than act like you care.
hahaha..
i also realised today the appeal of a doomed love story.
you know it won't work out.
you know its wrong but its the only thing you can think about.
u breathe it...
you dream it.. you want it..
your only desire...
your incarnated lust.
see:romeo n juliet
see:every other hindi movie
see:adulterous relationships
see:demi moore n ashton kutcher
see:incestuous relationships
see:everything u can't have
see:THERE'S ALWAYS FUCKING HOT SEX!!!
hahhaa...hey come on.. the last point is always right...
complicated relationships have the best sex...
;)
come on peeple.. try it..
at the most..you'll get a backache from all the thrusting..
hahahhaa...
ps. the alevels has changed my brain configuration
--insignificant lies--
11:47 pm
slacking once again.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
somehow now tt bio p2 is over. chem p3 is over. maths p1 is over...
i feel like everything is over.
and im just too tired to move.
did some maths today.
got bored.
then read some chem.
got bored.
all i wanna do is sleep.
must try harder tomorrow.
yesh yesh i will :)
ok...:))))
a few more days to id mubarak.
woohooo!!
and to all my hindu friends..
HAPPY DIWALI!!!! :))
--insignificant lies--
9:34 pm
the time is 5.32am.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
i am still awake.
been up burning the midnite oil
or watever its called.
to me this is called
last minute mugging.
mugging for chem.
tmr nite its
last minute bio mugging.
then sunday for awhile some maths mugging
then chem mugging again!
dots man.
good luck to me.
surprisingly im not sleeping.
but i bet you in one and a half hr i will be.
haiz...
scared i will do badly.
and dont tell me tt it will be ok.
cos i know i havent worked hard at all
so yeah.
--insignificant lies--
5:32 am
dots.more dots.
Friday, November 05, 2004
purple dots in the sky.
where am i?
ooh..i'm here. ;)
aight enuff crap.
k im here to say hi!!
to all those peeple who read me blogz.
hey pali!!! i miss you too.
im chatting wit u now cept u
reply very slow.
ooh u juz replied.
haha..
and my babes..
MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS
to u..
and to all you ppl out there.
i think i am bipolar.
and please go find out what it means.
heheheheeheh...
*smiles with teeth*
rite babes?
hahahha...
ciaoz..
--insignificant lies--
11:40 am
i..dots.
Monday, November 01, 2004
i wonder if there is something wrong with me.
what am i feeling right now?
is it just an excuse.
a for of escapism.
i'm cary for thinking such thoughts.
how could i even.
in this world of despair i have fallen suit.
and trapped myself in the palette of life.
i drone through life.
drowning in circles of red and yellow and blue.
primary essential colours of life.
note to self
seek for peace.
fuck peace.
who needs you.
damn you.
thought i could have you
but no.
i am filled with hate.
with passionate angst and depsise.
disdain at one's self.
fuck peace.
screw you.
terrified i shuddered in my corner.
seeking for solace.
i am alone once again.
i can't bare degredation.
i can't bare perfection.
put me in between.
maybe i have fallen out.
--insignificant lies--
2:09 am
